off the hook for your own expectations

I have an uncontrollable need to be able to do everything, for everyone, all the time. On the surface it sounds like I'm really concerned about others, but really I'm not. I'm concerned about my reputation, and even more than that, my own perception of myself. I want to be a very together person. I want to be organized, be healthy, raise great kids, have a perfect marriage, be a prayer warrior and a theologian, have a well decorated house, make delicious and healthy meals, be a room mother for 6 different classes, volunteer at the school, teach Bible Study, be involved in exciting ministry opportunities, maybe go on a short term mission trip, be a great gardener and look good doing it all. Is that really too much to ask? All of those things can be good things. Doing ALL of those things, so that I can maintain some sort of standard I've set for myself, is CARAAZAY!

Today, I'm giving you permission to let go of all of your old standards for yourself. Think about what they are, write them down and then cross them all out. We tend to just keep adding things on to our expectations of ourselves. Instead of realizing and really accepting that, for instance, I now have 8 kids and I really can't be a room mother for all of them, I add one more room mother role onto my list of expectations that I have for myself each time another kid goes to school. All of a sudden, my expectations of myself are out of control and I don't even know it!

Now get a new piece of paper and start from scratch.

1. What are the non-negotiables, as in, "People will die if I don't do this"? Meals, for instance. You can't just stop feeding your family. Write those things down.
2. What are the things that you are doing because you feel like you have to or because you've always done them? What are the things you feel guilty about not doing anymore? I used to be really organized. I still love office supplies, but I usually can't find a stapler. Or socks. There's a weight in feeling like I should be more organized. But, back when I was really organized, I didn't have 8 kids, who take my stuff and put it places that don't make any sense at all, and that I'm supposed to take care of! This is not the time in my life that I'm going to be able to be super organized. Let it go.
3. Order matters. There are a million things we feel like we should be doing and we simply can't get them all established at once. Have you ever heard the analogy about the rocks in the jar? The gist of it is that you can fit more into a jar if you start with the big rocks because everything else will fall into place around the big rocks.  So you put in the big rocks, and then some smaller ones, then gravel, sand and even water. Added in the proper order, it all fits. But if you put it in the jar out of order, there just isn't space for the same items. Start with your big rocks. It's so easy to say that God should be first, but there are so many other things that we give our attention to before God...the laundry, working out, the girls' night out, hobbies, Facebook. This is nonnegotiable. God has to get the first spot. I am NOT saying that you have to pray and read your Bible at 4:42 every morning. You DO need to spend time each day with the Lord. If you do this, it will penetrate the rest of your day.
4. Take some time to pray about this one. What are you called to be doing? If you know what it is, add it to your list. If you're unsure of what God has in store for you, add the following things to your list:
   1. Pray about what God is going to do in my life.
   2. Spend time in the Word each day.
   3. Faithfully live out my current role (as a mom, a wife, a single woman) to the glory of God.
5. What are the other things in your life that are important to you? Is there a pattern to them? Do they all revolve around a certain theme? Pick your top 2 or 3 and add them to your list.
6. Let the rest of it go. At least for now.
7. Prioritize what is left on your list. Remember to put the big rocks in first!
8. Go back through your list and figure out what each item looks like for you. You have to keep feeding your family. You don't have to make a 7 course meal for them each night. If family dinner is important to you, but you're in a season where it just doesn't work out logistically, lower your expectations, have family dinner once a week, or family breakfast. It's OK if it's not picture perfect.

It is so important to regularly evaluate our expectations of ourselves and how they line up with God's expectations of us. Matthew 11:30 says, "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” We are not meant to live under the burden of all of our own excess expectations. Get into God's Word, spend time with Him in prayer, obey His calling and experience the freedom of letting go of all of those extra expectations!