winter
It's been quiet over here on the belove(d) blog for the past couple months. I'd love to tell you that it's been an intentional time of reflection for me or something lovely like that, but that just wouldn't be true. The truth is just life. There have been highs and lows over these quiet weeks, tears and laughter, busyness and boredom. There have been loads (I mean LOADS) of laundry, amazing vacations, repeating myself over and over because no one seems to move when I say it's time to go, little arms wrapped around my neck. Life.
It's winter here. In Wisconsin this usually means biting cold and a continuous flurry that results in feet of glittering snow (in Wisconsin there is rarely more than snow showers which usually end with around 12 inches of snow and no cancellations). It's often marked by baking, cuddling up in warm blankets, when it's warm enough, playing in the snow. It's beautiful, the way the snow sparkles in the sun, contrasted against the blue skies. The cold literally makes your face hurt, the snot freezing in your nose on contact with the air. But there is an excitement about it too.
This winter is different here though. It's wet, muddy, foggy, only moderately cold. It feels like the 30 winters I lived in New York. Those were wonderful winters, but this year, after a gorgeous fall, wonderful time with family on vacations, the "excitement" of the elections, Christmas and New Years, followed by a couple weeks of 8 sick kids, my brain seems to have settled into a winter fog. Maybe you can relate. There is something oddly comfortable about gray skies, something that makes me want to hibernate.
Hibernation is good for bears. Not so much for people. So here I am coming out of my winter cave, determined to live in the right now, even if the weather says to stay in bed! What does all of this mean?
Honest confession 1:
I love spending time in God's Word, reveling in His truth. I love to talk to Him, and the days that are covered in prayer are so infinitely much better than the days that are not. But over these past weeks, neither of those things have been happening consistently. Sister, I know you've been in this place, so let's not pretend with each other on this. Doesn't it feel like coming out of this Spiritual Brain Fog (or SBF for those obsessed with acronyms) should be accompanied by some sort of special penance? Like, if I am apologetic enough and can maintain proper Bible reading and prayer time for 12 straight days then it's OK. I feel like such a shmuck here in this place. But you know what? It's my feeling. My own imposition on myself. One of the things I think is just amazing about God, is that He knows everything. He can see all things, all the time. He can see our whole timelines in one glance. But here is the amazing part: He doesn't spend time looking at our shmuckiness (it could be a word). He sees us, He knows us, but while we're still focusing on our mess ups, trying to figure out how to fix it all, He sees perfection. He sees His Son. How beautiful is that?!?!
“For His anger is but for a moment,
and His favor is for a lifetime. ”
Honest confession 2:
The other night I played speed friending, which is basically when you get together with friends or acquaintances, ask each other predetermined questions and are given a minute or two to discuss your answers. It really was a lot of fun! But that's not the point. One of the questions I was asked was, "What have you done today that was kind?" I really do try to be kind. I mean it's kind of one of the themes of this here blog. But I had to reach that day. Um, I went to my son's science fair. Seriously, that was about the best I could come up with. I showed up to a school event. Seriously. In the doldrums of winter, in the midst of snow days and sick kids, in the fog of survival, I'd been forgetting to be kind. It's really easier to be kind to strangers. I'd rather let someone else go in front of me at the grocery store or pay for someone else's breakfast at the drive thru. But being kind to the people who are depriving me of sleep, spreading germs and complaining about my inability to toast a frozen waffle to their satisfaction, I don't always want to do kind. I want to do bedtime. So, I will be looking for ways to be kind inside my 4 walls. I will listen to my own advice, said 4,371 times per day and speak kind words. I will be kind where I am, even before bedtime.
