Hi.

Start a revolution with me! Let's be bold! Let's love others in the crazy way that Christ did! Let's love each other unconditionally! Let's be real! Let's encourage each other! Let's do it all to glorify God!

why i'm angry

why i'm angry

Anger. It's a great way to start the new year, isn't it? If anger is a struggle for you, I know it's crossed your mind over the past few days. This year...this is the year that I'm going to take control of my anger. This year is going to be different. I know because I've been there, Beloved. I have been the angry child, the angry teenager, the angry wife, the angry mother, the angry driver, the angry shopper. I have been angry. I am saddened by and ashamed of my anger. To think back on it makes the whole of me cringe. There is joy in telling you that it is a shrinking issue in my life. But it has been such a journey for me, that I feel I need to share it with you, so this month, I'll be focusing on anger here at let us belove(d).

So, what makes us angry? I'm going to cover a few main things that tend to contribute to anger. Anger, while it is considered both a primary and a secondary emotion, is in the vast majority of cases, a secondary emotion. A primary emotion is something that just pops up, it happens immediately following a triggering event. As a secondary emotion, anger always follows another emotion. Let's take a look at some of those primary emotions that lead to anger. 

Fear. When fear strikes at our hearts, sometimes our quick response, our defense, is anger. It's as simple as a child that wanders off. When it happens, you're terrified. When they turn up unharmed, you are thrilled that they are OK and in the same moment you could just kill them for scaring you. Fear makes us angry for another reason. It exposes our vulnerabilities. None of us likes to be vulnerable. When we are face to face with our weak areas, we tend to get angry that they are not better defended. We are angry because our fear keeps us from living. 

Guilt. Gulp. I know I'm not the only one. As women we sometimes wield guilt because we are aware of just how effective it can be. Even more so with the enemy. He is keenly aware of the damage guilt can do in our lives. Guilt often, very often, leads us to feel angry. We are angry at ourselves. We are angry at others who may have contributed to what we feel guilty about. We are angry with the ones we feel have placed an expectation on us that we have failed to meet. 

Loneliness. I hate feeling lonely, but it's something I experience regularly. How about you? We've made two major moves since we got married and both of them represent extremely lonely times for me. They also were times that I was often angry, for seemingly, no reason at times. But it's not just moving that can make us feel lonely. Not knowing where to sit at an event, feeling like you have no one to talk to, not having any friends who are going through what you're going through, all of these things can make us feel lonely. And when we feel alone, it can make us angry. 

Hurt. When we experience pain, at the hands of someone else, it often turns to anger. Our anger might look like cutting off the offender. Or maybe confronting that person. Maybe somewhere in between. 

As a primary emotion, anger can be experienced on a whole spectrum. There's annoyance, frustration, indignation, rage. There are times, when anger is our primary and secondary emotion. Left unchecked and fed by entitlement, denial and other emotions, what began as an annoyance can turn into a full on rage.

I've found that another reason I get angry is because I feel my rights have been infringed upon. Sometimes I don't recognize this at first. Sleep is super important to me. As you can imagine, having eight kids means that my sleep is often interrupted. Sometimes this really bothers me. I get angry because my right to a restful night has been infringed upon. I also tend to get pretty angry if I don't get a shower by about noon. I have a right to a shower. Don't I? Or don't I? I've learned that I'm often angry about the loss or infringement on rights I think I have. I have come to a point of understanding that when I discover that I am angry because I feel that my rights have been infringed upon, I must ask myself if I really have a right? As of yet, I haven't found a time when I actually did have a right, because even my next breath is grace. If it is a grace, I can be thankful for it, but I have no license to be angry about it's absence. 

Over the next few weeks I'll be talking about what happens in our brains when we experience anger, what the Bible says about anger and practical ways of dealing with your anger. It has been my experience that when I write blog about a specific topic, that I sometimes find myself re-learning the lessons I am writing about. Please keep me in your prayers this month as we cover this topic here on let us belove(d). Pray that the Lord would keep me close, that my heart would be soft to His leading and that He would grace me with extra doses of love for the ones around me. 

anger and your brain

anger and your brain

when your Christmas tree dies before Christmas

when your Christmas tree dies before Christmas