anger: deal with it
We've been talking about anger for the entire month of January. We've looked at why we tend to experience anger, how our brains are wired in relation to anger and how God sees anger. While I've already given you some ways to deal with anger, this week I want to share with you the one thing that has made the biggest difference in my life.
But first, here's a review of what we've ld so far about dealing with anger:
- Examine your emotions. What is leading to anger?
- What rights do you feel get infringed on?
- What negative thought patterns do you need to work to reroute and how can you do that?
- Have you considered medication and/or counseling?
- Ask yourself these three questions when you start to get angry:
- Am I giving an opportunity to the devil?
- Pinpoint your enemy (hint: if it has flesh and blood, it's not the enemy).
- Does this matter in the light of eternity?
I will tell you that I spent years praying that God would take my anger. I tried to work my way into being less angry. I counted to 10 and took a deep breath. And then I proceeded with my anger. It was not for lack of prayer or lack of trying or even lack of authenticity that my anger problem persisted.
The most important words I can give you about anger come from Ephesians 4. This entire chapter is about unity in the body of Christ. I love the first few verses.
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.”
This how it should be. It's how we should interact with each other. No matter what our specific calling is, these verses tell us that we should do it with humility, gentleness, patience. We should bear with one another in love. I love that! There's an acknowledgement there. There are times when we are just going to have to put up with others because God loves them. We should be eagerly, actively trying to maintain the unity that is ours through the Spirit. We should be protectors of it. Why? Because we are one. One body, worshiping one God, saved by one epic act of grace. But how?
The next verses talk about spiritual gifts, which is a whole other topic, but it reminds me that we are all different. We've been given different gifts. We were not created to be the same but to make up a whole, one.
“Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
These verses bring me back to foundation. I need Jesus! Without Jesus, I can implement a billion different hacks, I can attempt to modify my behavior, but it's always going to be a Paw Patrol Band Aid on a big gaping heart wound. Only through the work of Jesus on the cross, can I ever have a right heart. It's like an accent. I can pretend to have a British accent (albeit poorly) all day long. I might even find that the way I pronounce words has adjust to a new place with a new accent, eh? But when the rubber hits the road, you know you're gonna hear that New York accent fly outta my mouth. My kids can testify (apparently I sound much more New York in the car). It's what's in me. It's what comes out of me. Whatever you are filled with is what will flow out of you.
This next part is my favorite though. Put off and put on. You can't just take something away. You must replace it. Voids fill. If you don't intentionally fill the void with what you want to be there, it will be filled with the old or with something else you don't want there. Be intentional about what you are filled with, about what you put on, and it will change what comes out. To be honest, that's where this blog was born. I didn't want to be angry. I wanted to be known for loving others. I wanted to be known for loving the Lord. My anger had to be replaced with love to finally be put off. Put off anger. Put on love. But not just any love. My love is a sorry excuse, a counterfeit, that can be spotted a mile away. No, it must be Christ's love.
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
These last verses get down to the specifics. Start with truth. Always. Get into God's Word and steep in His truth until it colors all that you are, everything you see, every interaction you engage in. You must have an accurate picture of how God sees you and how He sees others. And then...put off and put on.
Our thinking must change from, "Today I want to be less angry," or, "Today I'm not going to yell," to, "Today I want to love others," or maybe even, "Lord, today help me to love others, boldly, in your name." When we are looking for opportunities to love others instead of looking for a chance to not react to someone who is making us angry, a shift happens inside of us. It is only through the work of the Holy Spirit within us that we will see victory over anger.
