anticipating blessing
"Mom, can we go to the store to buy me a birthday present?"
"Mom, I want toys for my birthday."
"Mom, are you going to make my cake now?"
"Mom, put more sprinkles on it."
"Mom, are the presents wrapped?"
"Mom, can we open presents now"
It had been a day of endless questions about all the ways his birthday would go. Honestly, I was pretty sure that no matter what we did, his birthday would disappoint him. He had expectations. He knew just how it should all go and it felt like if he couldn't control it, he just knew it wouldn't go right. I was about at my wit's end, but was trying to remain calm and patient since it was his birthday and all. All I wanted to do was give this kid a nice birthday, make him a cake, give him some presents, eat his favorite meals, and generally make a big deal of him. It seemed like an uphill battle though.
I get where he was at though, because, I like control too. I've learned a thing or two in my time on this earth. It's frustrating when you know how something should be done and no one will listen! Amen? I can't count the number of times my sentences start with, "That's why I said..." I mean seriously, we could all avoid a whole lot of grief if people would start remembering that mom was right the last time she told us not to cut each other's hair. Right?!?
Sometimes I get a little sassy though and I start thinking that God should really do things my way too. For real. Lord, I'm going to need a complete break from any sickness and an unexpected vacation to somewhere amazing wouldn't hurt. Know what I'm saying? If you want to bless me Father, let me tell you how. I want more sprinkles on my caaaaake!!!!!!! OK, sassy might have been an understatement. Sure, in theory, I know that God knows what is best and that I can trust Him, but I often don't want what He has for me.
I want to go to Target by myself, not take a kid with me. But God has plans to bless me and even use me through our conversation in the car.
I want the quiet evening with WonderHubs. God wants to bless me with the joy of seeing him play with our kids until too late.
I want the smiling, together looking family picture that sums up our joy at spending time together. God blesses me with funny faces, lessons learned through tears and a car to get back into when it didn't go as I'd planned.
I want to be able to lay in bed by myself when I'm sick. God blesses with me with little people to take care of me and bring me bananas.
On the last day of the Declare Conference I was at this fall, Jan Greenwood, of Gateway Church in Southlake, TX, reminded us to go home to our families with a heart of anticipation, not expectation. She hit that one on the head! I think the same is true of God. When we approach God with our expectation of how and when He should bless us, I think we lose out on some of the joy. When we approach Him with a heart of anticipation, just waiting to see what He will do in our lives, trusting His love for us and knowing that He delights over us, our joy grows.
