how to have a successful back to school night
Having a good back to school night with your kids is a great way to start their school year off as well as a great time to meet their teachers and let them know you'll be an involved parent, ready to help out when the need arises. Here are some tips for a great experience.
Preparation is key. If the school has sent out forms, fill them out ahead of time to bring with you. Don't leave them on your desk. This is the night you'll be dropping off all of their previously purchased school supplies. Make sure that all your supplies have been purchased, labeled and sorted by child. Wait to start labeling and sorting until 3 hours before open house starts. And don't bother stopping at the gas station on the way because they don't carry the 6 packages of disinfecting wipes that you need, or any at all for that matter and wouldn't you expect them to?
Also, be sure to prepare your children. Bathe them and dress them in their finest. Don't show up with a shoeless 2 year old covered in blue store bought gel icing. I, for one, never buy the stuff since it's clearly made of pure sugar and poisonous toxins. Never mind. Just skip this step. It doesn't matter what you say on the car ride to school, they're still going to steal goldfish crackers from gracious teachers, run down the hallway and slap each other.
Load up your seven kids (since one is away at a birthday party) with all their supplies. Don't bother to feed them though, because you're planning to get pizza after the fact. You should be done in an hour and a half, so no big deal. Don't break a sweat, you don't want to be the smelly mom on back to school night. Before you leave, remember to take the mouse that your kids are hoping to nurse back to health outside to the porch.
Get all the kids safely out of the car and through the parking lot with all their supplies. Enter the school building. Re-
\\gather all your children. It's best to have a plan in place. I like to start with the youngest and work our way up so that they aren't exhausted by the end of the ordeal. Enter the first classroom, greet the teacher, introduce yourself and your child. Try to smile and certainly don't yell at your children. Make sure your children play quietly while you fill out more forms. When you finish the forms, you'll have to go find all your children again. They'll be eating goldfish and playing games with the amazing special ed teacher.
Herd your children to the other side of the building, get the stroller up the stairs, and find the next classroom you'll need to visit. Again, introduce yourself, explain that your hubby can't join you tonight, so it's just you and 7 of your 8 kids. Help your child complete the checklist of items that must be done in their classroom. Explain about the missing disinfecting wipes. Try to keep your other children calm during this time. As you visit the older classrooms, there will be less to play with. Do whatever you have to do to survive. Let them talk to Siri.
You should expect that your 2 year old wants no part of being in his stroller. He'll take this time to learn how to get out of his buckles. You'll have to hold him while you're waiting for your 7 year old to draw a self portrait in painstaking detail. It looks kind of like a cross between Mr. Potato Head and Art Garfunkle as drawn by Picasso. It's beautiful, really. Try to encourage your 7 year old while getting your 4 year old to stop spinning your 9 year old around in circles in the stroller at the back of the classroom. If you see your 12 year old laying across a table in the back of the room, you should probably recognize that that's not really like her. You should probably check on her. But you're holding a sticky, shoeless 2 year old who is going between boxing your ears and licking your face. You'll continue to sweetly repeat, "We do kind and gentle." He'll occasionally kiss you, but mostly he'll lick you. And then your 4 year old will slap the 9 year old who will cry. All of the children will now gather around you, the licking 2 year old and the artist. Except for the 12 year old. She's still laying on the table, but she's quiet. You're now speaking through gritted teeth while trying to sound sweet and loving. You are pouring sweat and people are avoiding eye contact. As soon as your artist finishes, you will make a break for it.
You're 2 hours in, 2 kids down and only 3 more kids to go. But the other 3 are at the middle school so you'll all have to get back in the car. Navigate the parking lot. Again. Load kids into hot car. Have a near mental breakdown at the thought of continuing. Realize that none of you can not possibly make it any longer without dinner but that you don't have time If you're ever going to get through the other 3 kids. Let that panic set in.
And then... "Mom? I don't feel good." You know the tone. You know you are officially beat. It's time to call in whatever backup you have. Call yo mom. Call yo hubs. Call yo sistah. Call yo friend. Call yo grocery store check out lady.
Admit your foolish pride, thinking you could handle back to school night on your own, refusing offers to help. What were you thinking? Have someone meet you at McDonald's and take 5 kids home including the icing covered, licking 2 year old, the slapping 4 year old, the 5 year...(do you still have the 5 year old? Oh, good there he is!), Picasso, and the sickie. Go back to the middle school with the 2 remaining kids, admit to being Loser Mom who doesn't have the disinfecting wipes, give only the necessary information and get out of there.
Return home. Get out your calendar. Go to August of next year and add a reminder to get help for back to school night. Take solace in the idea that at least the teachers know why you won't be coming into class to teach the kids to make an apple pie. Eat ice cream.
