mawwiage
Mawwiage is what bwings us togever today.
Today is my anniversary. Today I've been married to WonderHubs for half of my life. 18 years. It's a long time that's gone by in a flash. So today, before we head out for a date night celebration (which will probably be over by 9 when we debate whether it's safe to go home yet-i.e. are the kids in bed yet?) I thought I'd let you in on 18 things I've learned in these 18 years.
1. Love is a choice. He chose me, I chose him and now we have a choice everyday about whether or not we'll love each other. Some days we choose to love better than others.
2. Grace. Our marriage needs God's grace daily. It wouldn't last without it. I know that there are people out there that don't have God in their marriage and that their marriage has lasted. I can tell you mine wouldn't. We are two of the most stubborn, strong willed people you'll meet. If it weren't for God, we would have killed each other.
3. Trust is something we choose to give each other too. There have been times we've hurt each other, with our words or actions. It's easy to put up walls, not let each other in and quit being vulnerable with each other. Neither of us is perfect so neither of us is worthy of trust. We choose it anyway.
4. He is the romantic. I think men have gotten a bad rap in the past few generations, but I don't know that they're what's changed in the equation. I think as women we tend to want short lived grand gestures of love. I know, I know. We want more than a one time romantic gesture, but when the only acceptable forms of romance are riding down a beach at sunset, arranging kiss-cam moments, arranging for a sitter and a night out on the town and surprise vacations, it's hard to keep up that pace. Once he's swept you off your feet and married you, his focus tends to shift to everyday romance. He worries about the bank account and the retirement fund. Will there be enough to support you when he's gone. He finds ways to lighten your load even though his load is heavy too. Sure, beaches are great, but is there truly anything more romantic than a man willing to clean up vomit so you don't have to or a man who lets you sleep in or tells you to go to church while he stays home with the sick kids. It's important to recognize his brand of romance and to be thankful for it.
5. Do not covet another woman's husband. I know it seems like this should go without saying. But in my experience, we don't even realize we're doing that. Sure we don't actually want someone else's husband, we know he's not perfect. But when Sally posts the flowers her husband sent on Facebook, we wonder why our husband didn't send flowers. When Ricky takes Lucy to Europe, we don't know why our husband doesn't take us on a European vacation. When Bob chases Betty to NY after their misunderstanding, we don't understand why our own husband can't chase us into the kitchen when we're upset. When Fred and Ginger dance we want our husband to dance with us. You get where I'm going. We'd be livid if our husbands asked us if we could learn to cook like Julia, dance like Ginger, have Lucy's sense of humor or look like Ingrid. And yet we don't think twice about telling him that George is putting in a pool under the living room floor for Mary.
6. I love our love story. Tell your story to your friends, to your kids. WonderHubs and I met in our church youth group. He was an older teen and I was much to young to date. He waited over 2 years to be able to see me somewhere other than church and school functions. When we finally could go somewhere it was usually the mall because it was free to get in! We ate at the food court. Sometimes we went on progressive dates with the $10 we had...mozzarella sticks at Burger King, tacos at Taco Bell and Frosties at Wendy's. We got married when I was just shy of 19 and he was 22. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing or what God had in store, but by His grace, we've made it this far! I love our story!
7. There is a sweetness in submission that is missed out on because we don't like the word. It's kind of like if the word for ice cream was barf. No one would want to try that! Try it! Again, I chose this man. I chose him because he is kind and gentle, compassionate and caring. I choose to trust him. I know that he's looking out for me more than he's looking out for himself and that if he says I should do something or not do something, it's worth listening to. Do I sometimes question his ideas? You betcha! Sometimes I raise a point he hadn't considered, but more often than not, he's taken into account more than I would have and made a good evaluation of the situation. To be honest, I think he's got the bum end of the deal. That's a whole lot of responsibility that I'm happy to let someone else carry.
8. We love to laugh. I don't know if anyone else would find us funny. But we think we're hysterical. In fact we're really not sure why no one is filming our interactions. Seriously, somehow watching the Olympics turns into Mystery Science Theater 3000.
9. Date night! Do it as often as you can manage it. Never turn down an opportunity to spend time together. If you can't get out, put the kids to bed, tell them not to get out or they'll see things they'll never be able to wipe from their memories, order dinner, watch a movie, whatever, spend some time together.
10. Pray together. Sometimes this feels a little awkward, especially at first, but you share a bathroom, so get over it.
11. Marriage takes some humble. For real. If you're going to commit to love another person, you've got to be able to admit when you've messed up. Plain and simple.
12. If you marry a man with a sense of adventure, you will likely have to take him to the emergency room (maybe kicking and screaming) once in a while. You know when there's a fish hook in his neck. You might have to have his wedding ring fixed when electricity blows it up. But more often, you'll listen to how he got stuck in quicksand or how his waders started to fill with water and thank God that he managed to get home.
13. Sometimes you have to schedule conversations. Sometimes you'll have to spend a date night discussing some impending decision. Sometimes you'll bring notebooks and pens and laptops to keep it all straight. And sometimes, on date night, the waitress will ask if you want separate checks.
14. Keep talking even when things are hard.
15. Be quiet together too.
16. Apparently, sometimes he's actually not thinking anything. What?!? I can't even.
17. I have to communicate if I'm looking for someone to listen to me or someone to offer to help fix something.
18. Look for ways to have adventures together. You don't have to go far to find some adventure, especially if you've got kids. In some stages of your marriage, adventure will be getting out of the house with a newborn, or going on vacation with your entire home packed into your car just in case you need 6000 diapers this week and happen to be somewhere that doesn't sell diapers. Sometimes it will look like dropping a teen off at school dance. Sometimes it will be jumping off cliffs. Sometimes it will be seeing how far you can stretch that gallon of milk before the next paycheck. No matter what stage you're in, have adventures together. Have fun together!
