mom love languages — be love(d)

I'm sure most of you are aware of the really great book, The Five Love Languages (as well as it's companions including, The Five Love Languages of Children), by Gary Chapman. If you haven't, pick a copy up. But meanwhile, see where you fall in the Mom-version.

Food

Let's talk about a typical mom meal. It usually consists of things like sandwich crusts, bruised pieces of fruit and cold coffee or tea. Even if she has prepared herself something, it tends to either be eaten cold or be eaten by children, because everyone knows that food tastes better when it's on your mom's plate.

Moms rarely get to eat a real meal sitting down and often eat cold food after they have spent dinner running between the fridge for extra condiments to try to make the meal she prepared acceptable for her children and under the table where she cleans spilled milk off of the floor and chair legs.

To make a hungry mom feel loved, you should feed her. This can be done in a variety of ways. You can cook something you know she likes. This does not have to be complicated. You could make her a cup of tea or coffee. You could take her to a restaurant. You can also bring food home for her. This could be her favorite take out from a fancy restaurant or a drive thru. It could be a chocolate bar. You could even reheat some leftovers. You see the key here isn't really what you give her. The real secret to showing love to a mom through food is that you give her the time and space to eat it. She will be exceptionally grateful to be able to eat food without people climbing on her, throwing things at her, complaining to her or spilling things everywhere.

Being Alone

It doesn't matter if a mom is an introvert or an extrovert. She will feel loved if you can create some time for her to be alone. There are lots of things moms want to do by themselves and they rarely get to do those things alone. They most often have company. They always have company. Here is a list of things moms would like to do alone.

Go to the bathroom.
Take a shower.
Read a book.
Clean out her dresser.
Sleep.
Take a bubble bath without plastic animals.
Unload the dishwasher.
Do her hair and make up.
Go for a drive.
Talk on the phone.
Organize the mail.
Clean or organize anything.
Walk.
Fold the laundry.

I know. That's a crazy list. Moms aren't looking for anything super exotic, but since they are rarely alone this will seem like a luxury. The downfall of this love language is that if you leave a mom alone in her house, she may not know what to do with herself. You may return to a confused looking mom who has done nothing. That's OK. If you repeat this multiple times she will become more accustomed to being alone and will eventually figure out what to do with herself during these times. Be patient with her. Do not attempt to set goals for her alone time.

Getting Out

Getting out, much like being alone, may take many different forms.

A mom may want to meet a friend or group of friends. She might be looking to talk about any range of topics. Or she might just want to see a movie or go on a hike. The activity is not important. What is important is that a mom has the time and space to get together with friends and build relationships. She needs friends that are going through the same things she is and friends that have walked that road before her. She needs friends that she can speak into. She needs friends she can make plans with and friends she can call at the last minute.

A mom may also seek time alone by getting out. She might want to sit in a coffee shop and read, get some errands done, get a pedicure, go for a run or wander aimlessly around Target. Here again, the activity is not what is important.

Moms often enjoy getting out with their husbands as well. During outings with her mate, she may want to talk to her husband without having to speak over a constant chorus of, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Moooooom, Mommy, Mom, Mom." She might also like to do something fun, without having to worry that someone is painting her bathroom, the dog, and their brother with her lipstick.

Housework

Moms are locked in an eternal battle with housework. It is the thing that must be done but is not at all fulfilling to her. If you want to show a mom love, regularly doing some of the mundane household chores is a very effective way to communicate love to a mom. There is a very specific formula you'll want to use when choosing which chores to help with.

“Chores Mom Dislikes the Most + High Impact Chores (for mom) - Chores Only Mom Can Do = Chores You Should Do”

Family Time

Moms, as much as they feel loved by time without their kids, also want to spend time with their kids. All moms really want is an enjoyable, peaceful, amazing time with her family. This, however, is seemingly impossible to come by, because there will always be someone who is not satisfied with the current state of affairs. This will cause the mother great distress. When she tries to spend time with each child individually, the other children will forget that they had time with mom just yesterday and accuse her of favoring their sibling. The mother will again experience guilt over the distress of her delusional children. There is, in reality, no way to force the perfect day of family fun, so you won't be able to provide this for a mom. What you can do is laugh with her about how ridiculous her children are, assure her that she is doing a great job and that her children will be fine.

He'd had enough of our family Advent time.

Still a Woman

Moms will, from time to time, need to be reminded that they are still a woman, at times, even that they are still human. Here are some good ways her husband can remind her of these things:

Look her in the eyes
Make an effort to see her struggles and encourage her
Write her a love letter
Tell her why you think she is beautiful
Compliment the way she does something
Kiss her
Pray for her (so that she can hear you)
Have her back

When people talk about love languages, they often talk about which one or two a person speaks and the importance of knowing and speaking each others languages. It's not like that with mom love languages. Moms speak all of these. They understand all of these. The key here is figuring out which language she needs spoken right now. Does she need to go for a ride while you do the dishes and pick up a cheesesteak? Or does she need you to look into her eyes and tell her you see her? And with that, I say good luck, because moms don't know either and they're just too tired to figure it out.