three things your teen needs
Writing about teenagers is super intimidating. I have no credentials other than, I'm trying! I don't have successful, happy, perfect adult children, so I feel more than a little unqualified. I don't even have a driver yet (have mercy!), how on earth can I even think of writing this? With a good amount of prayer and with the acknowledgement that I'm not a perfect parent.
I currently have two teenagers in my house. In some respects they couldn't be more different. One is introverted, one extroverted. One is laid back and one is high strung. They like different music and have different hobbies. They've both already faced different struggles. Some of those struggles have been just gut wrenching to walk through. Sometimes I can't believe we're even having a conversation about something. But there are a few common threads that, in my minimal experience, have proved to be indispensable.
The first is three simple words. I love you. When my kids were babies, I'd rock them to sleep and I'd whisper, "I'll always love you forever and ever, no matter what." Perhaps you whispered something similar in the ear of your sleeping babe. This is the time when they will test it and when you have to prove it. You prove it by being there. You prove it by telling them you love them even when those aren't the first words that come to mind. You prove it by doing the hard things, by taking the phone away, by being the uncool mom who said, "no," to their really great plan. You prove it with ice cream grace when they know they should have been sent to their rooms. You prove it, no matter what it takes.
The second thing that I will always tell my kids is that God loves them and He has a purpose for them. There is never a time not to share the gospel with our kids. It is always appropriate to remind them that God loves them, so much that He sacrificed His own Son so that He could call them His children too. They always need to hear that He loves them just because He does, not because of how perfect they are. They need to be reminded often of how God sees them, as worthy and righteous because of what Jesus did, as a beautify child that He created. I'm always amazed at the hard exterior that the gospel breaks through.
The third thing our teens need, brace for it, is dad. After years of changing diapers and wiping noses and helping to create dioramas, they need dad. Really? Especially with my girls, I'd figured there would be lots of shopping and cafes and girl talk. There's some of that. Last year, before we moved, WonderHubs was spending the week working in Colorado while I was home with the kids. Our oldest really, really struggled during this time. So much so that we pulled her out of school and let her travel with her dad. She needed him that much. And it made all the difference. Make sure to carve out time for your teen to spend with their dad. And let dad speak into them. Moms are good at keeping kids safe and they need that and us. Dads tend to understand a little more about taking risks. As teenagers explore their world and take risks, it's good to have someone who won't just say no or tell you to put a helmet on.
