identity crisis
By now you've probably seen or read about the interview that David Boudia and Steele Johnson, the U.S. divers who won silver in the men's 10 meter synchronized diving event in Rio, gave. This is the what stood out to me:
“You know, it’s just an identity crisis. When my mind is on this, thinking I’m defined by this, then my mind goes crazy, but we both know our identity is in Christ.”
And aren't we all having an identity crisis? Sure, I'm not chasing an Olympic medal, but how many days am I completely caught up in how good of a mom I am? How many days am I worried about if I'm cutting it as a homemaker? A wife? A writer? A woman? Good grief! Where does it end?!?!
Here. Now. Again. And again.
David Boudia hit this on the head! I go crazy. Worked up. Worrying about the past. Worrying about how I measure up. All because I've lost track of who I am. And it happens in a split second.
I am beloved. I am His. I am redeemed. I've been declared righteous. I am a work of His hands, still being molded and perfected, not finished yet, but being continuously crafted by my Maker.
I spend so much time second guessing myself, Monday morning quarterbacking my life. I kid you not. Here is just a sampling of things I've asked myself in the past day or so.
Do I spend enough time with each child? There are a lot of them and one of me and maybe the reason this one or that one is acting the way he or she is, is because they really just need more time with me (no problem with self importance here, by the way).
Did I cause long term damage that time I told them their fish was dead in a too matter of fact way?
Did Wonderhubs feel disrespected when I was looking at my phone while he was telling me about his fishing trip?
Should I have said yes more often (yes)?
Why can't I keep my house as clean as my mother keeps hers?
Do you notice anything about those questions? None of them refer to the future. They all stagnate in the past. I don't think this is coincidence. I don't see conviction here. Conviction would say,
Why don't you take dear sweet child out for ice cream?
Give Wonderhubs your full attention when he's talking to you.
Try to say yes more often
Why don't you spend a few minutes washing the kitchen floor?
I see condemnation, accusation. When I really step back and look at it, I see the enemy, lying to me about who I am, and I buy it hook, line and sinker every single time.
“The enemy has been telling us for so long that we’re no good, washed-up, underequipped, incompetent, insignificant, unlovable, and not quite up to par. He’s been brainwashing us, one feminine soul at a time. ”
Wow! Can you relate like I can, sister? Cause this hits me so hard! And those beliefs about ourselves, those lies that we've believed? They're so deeply ingrained in our brains, thoroughly developed into pathways built of neurons that have fired over and over again each time we believed the lie. And trying to get off those pathways, to reroute our thinking and our beliefs, it takes an act of God. Really it does. So what do we do?
We pray. Pray scripture. Pray that God would keep your identity in Him at the forefront of your mind. I couldn't possibly begin to go where Priscilla Shirer goes in Fervent. Find the book. Check your library, your local bookstore, your church library, borrow it from a friend. It's just so good.
We get into scripture, into the truth that sets us free. Here's one of my personal favorite verses to ruminate on:
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
And we speak truth to ourselves instead of repeating the lies the enemy has told us for so long. So if you can relate, say it with me now...
I am beloved. I am His. I am redeemed. I've been declared righteous. I am a work of His hands, still being molded and perfected, not finished yet, but being continuously crafted by my Maker.
