hi. my name is bethany. it's been 13 minutes since the last time i was a jerk

I'm a recovering jerk. If I've been a jerk to you in the past, I'm really, truly am sorry.

Vulnerable moment here: I spent a long time being angry. I didn't want to be angry. I just was. I didn't even really have a reason to be angry. The truth is I've lived a pretty blessed life. For sure, I've faced some crazy stuff, but all in all, I'm blessed. Still, I was angry. I was angry with my husband. I was angry with my kids. I was angry with other drivers. I was angry with anyone who didn't live up to my expectations, and I had an expectation for the way just about everything should be… The way people should drive. The way food should be prepared. The way salespeople should help in a store. The way the dishwasher should be loaded. The way the rugs should be vacuumed. You name it and I had an expectation. It led to a lot of disappointment really, and I didn’t see any problem with voicing that disappointment. I mean if I asked for my tea to have 2 sugars and there are clearly 3 and I’m paying for it, don’t I have a right to make it known, nay a responsibility? I mean what kind of citizen would I be if I paid for something that wasn’t done to my expectations. I could go on. The drivers...I can’t even. Really, because if I do, I will be a jerk again!

At some point though, I realized that none of these expectations were really rights. I mean, for the love, someone is bringing me food and I’m complaining! It drives me nuts when my kids do it! And when I find myself driving like a maniac because I’m trying to get a kid to the emergency room because they flew from a mattress into a wall and cracked their head open, that’s okay. Someone else does it, and they’re obviously an incompetent lunatic! Suddenly the whole state is filled with incompetent lunatic drivers! I was bestowing rights upon myself that I wasn’t willing to give to other people.

What if I, what if you, went out of your way to be kind? To everyone? It’s not easy. Because that girl at the coffee shop who just can’t get your order right and walks away from you while you are asking her for something? She’s going to make you want to lose your mind. She makes me want to lose my mind. But I have to remind myself that she’s young. It looks like she’s a little overwhelmed, and that’s just at her job. I don’t even know what’s going on in the rest of her life. So in that moment before I lose my mind, I try to remind myself of these things, because I can either tell her how she’s disappointed me or I can tell her that I get it, and I appreciate her. I can show her kindness and love or I can show her judgement. I can show her Jesus or I can show her condemnation. Every single day, multiple times a day, I have to remind myself to be kind, to

Maybe this comes more naturally to you. I have to choose it. I have to remind myself, that the driver that cut me off, might be trying to get their kid to the hospital. The one that’s going way too slow, that could be my grandmother, or me in the snow! The question I have to ask myself now, so regularly, is:

Am I being as kind as I can possibly be?

I’m not saying I’m going to be a doormat. I’m saying I’m going to be a sidelight! Huh? You know the windows on the sides of doors? That you can peak into and see if anyone is coming to answer the door? You can see into their house. Is it dark? Tidy? Are there shoes by the door? Do they have a dog? I want to be that window. I’m choosing to be a window into the kingdom of God. When people encounter me, I want them to see just a peek into God’s home. If He is in me, people should see kindness, self-sacrifice, love and maybe, just maybe they’ll want to open that door.

I'm looking for people to be kind to, people to show love to. Will you find them with me? Will you show them love? Will you say to them, “I get it and I appreciate you and I think you’re doing great!”? If you see a need, will you fill it? Will you offer to help the mom that’s trying to get 3 little kids and a cart full of groceries into the car? Will you give your own kids an extra dose of grace? Or maybe your spouse or your roommate or your mom?

I'm pretty sure we can probably weird some people out by being kind. Maybe someone will even call the cops on us!