the ambiguity of motherhood
I studied Human Resource Management in college. Appropriate, since I spend all day, every day managing the humans. One of the topics we studied in depth was work place aggression. There are a number of factors that can contribute to work place aggression, but one stands out. Job ambiguity. Not knowing or clearly understanding what is expected of their role, can cause someone so much anxiety that they begin to act out in any number of ways. It's important to have clear expectations, metrics and constructive feedback in a job.
I graduated on a cold December day with my degree in Human Resource Management. I never even got a job. By January I was pregnant with our first human resource, er, baby. Despite the appropriateness of my degree, it didn't come close to preparing me for motherhood. In those first early days I was so incredibly inept! I'd never even held someone so tiny! I didn't know if I'd ever sleep again. My mom once joked that if I rubbed her tiny head, her hiccups would go away. I spent a solid 4 minutes rubbing her head! And don't get me starting on nursing, other than to say I think it took me a solid three, maybe four months to figure that out. Potty training. Discipline. I had no clue what I was doing. I still don't know what I'm doing!
There's a long list of things I never thought I'd have to say. They include things like, "Get that knife out of your brother's ear right now," (it was a butter knife and no one came to any harm, save my psyche). I didn't think I'd have to explain how tissue boxes work. No one ever said anything about the amount of bodily fluids I would have to touch. In fairness, you can't really tell an expectant mother, "So it's really important to know that mouths and fingers bleed like crazy, but in most cases it's no big deal," but I was completely unprepared for what lay ahead.
And really, aren't so many things just like that? We feel so unprepared. We don't even know how to know if we're doing a good job or making a total mess of things. These are the things that cause us so much stress. What do we do, when we don't even know what is expected of us, or even how to find out? Guess what?!? I'm going to tell you how to figure this out!
The first step is knowing to whom you will report. If you have a job, you either report to a boss, a committee or perhaps your customers if you run your own business. These people should be able to tell you what your job responsibilities are or what they expect from you. Last week in this blog post about people pleasing, I wrote about the only One we were designed to please. In everything we do, we are to work as unto the Lord and we know that one day we will give an accounting of what we have done. That means that we will report to God and that He is the one who can tell us what is expected of us.
Next we have to find out what the job involves. The first way that we can find out what is expected of us is to be in the Word of God. Your Bible is a treasure trove of information. It is the manual you wish you had, that you actually do have! It is your employee handbook, if you will. If what you're doing doesn't line up with what is in the Bible, you shouldn't be doing it. I'm not just talking about sin here! So for example, the Bible tells us we should be hospitable. The Bible does not say that hospitality equals pie and that you must offer your guests pie. It's so important that we understand the heart of what God is saying. Be hospitable. Let others in, meet them in their need. We are given so much freedom in how we do these things. If making pie is your thing and you use it to glorify God by being hospitable, then go for it. But if you are stuck and feel that you can't let others in because you don't have pie, you need to let it go like you're Elsa. The Bible doesn't say anything about changing diapers, but it tells us to take care of our families. We need to change the diapers. Cloth, disposable, organic? None of those are the issue. We need to feed our families. Chicken nuggets or Chicken Marsala is not the issue.
Haggai was a prophet. The Lord sent him to Zerubbabel and Joshua during the time that the Israelites were rebuilding Jerusalem after the Babylonian exile. At this point they had all built their homes, moved back in and were getting pretty comfortable, but they hadn't rebuilt the temple. God spoke to the Israelites through Haggai, saying,
“You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that likes in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house.”
God's temple must be our first order of business. God is gracious and He will give us some leeway. He'll let us get our homes set up, but if we just continue to busy ourselves doing one thing after another to increase our own comfort, although we had planned so much, it will come to little. When we put God first, He has a way of multiplying our time and making our little into much in His kingdom. We must, must, must be about His business.
The second way that we can find out what is expected of us is to take it to the Lord in prayer and ask that His Spirit makes it abundantly clear to us how we should spend our time. Whatever you do, take it to the Lord. Ask Him to examine your motives and uncover any areas of sin that might cloud your vision. Is pride causing you to push people away? Is insecurity causing you to judge others harshly? Are you trying to prove your own worth by controlling every area of your life? Spend some time with the Lord and ask Him to reveal your heart to you and to deal with any areas that are keeping you from doing what you should be doing.
Once we know to whom we report and what the job entails, we need to know how we will be measured. What metrics are used to determine if we are doing a good job? Here are some things that do not determine how you're doing:
- How other people are doing.
- How other people feel.
- How you feel.
The only opinion that matters here is God's. If you're doing what God has called you to do, He is the only one you should be concerned with impressing. If you are humbling allowing God to fulfill His purpose for your life, you can rest in the knowledge that you have done what God has asked of you and look forward to the day that you can hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." He wants you to hear those words. He wants your mama heart to experience His light and easy yoke, where you can be who He created you to be.
